Kathryn:

Thank you for sharing your intimate personal thoughts --- I appreciate your candor.

When I was younger, I thought that I would wait and get set up with career, home, and partner --- and THEN have children. It seemed like a logical and good way to proceed at the time.

Then one day --- I get the dreaded phone call. It was the doctor's office telling me that they need to see me ASAP. I get down there and I am told that basically I am going to die and I should make arrangements as soon as possible, etc, etc.

Nothing about holistics, nothing about my chances of BEATING IT, nothng that even smacked of HOPE. As far as they were concerned --- I was fucked and I should have just gone home and given up. (Some did exactly that)

Of course, now having survived AIDS from the use of blood clotting products --- the whole idea of me having children is basically out the window --- they don't let HIV+ people adopt even unwanted children (what do you say about this, Mr. g?), which I think is bullshit.

So, now I sometimes think about what things would be like if my choices were a little different. Sometimes I think that I might even have been a grandfather by now.

But when Kevin g. made that comment recently that he was happy that I never had any children, I took that as a low blow. I have tried to think that it may just have been meant as some kind of a joke. Except it wasn't funny, and I was very hurt by it. It was a low blow, and one I would have never considered myself. But, I never really had a choice either way --- as it ultimately ended turning out.

But, the feelings of WHAT IF are certainly there.

Peace and Prayers,

Kent Daniel Bentkowski Buffalo, New York USA