Men have doubts Peter, meaning, I've had doubts, terrible doubts which in retrospect came from ignorance of the scripture and spiritual opposition which early on manifests itself in rejection, persecution, wherever your weakness lies. I had no shortage of weaknesses and because I was immediately torn away from the environment where I was lead to the Lord it took me a several years to recognize I wasn't where I should be. Even afterward, as happens with most born again Christians, I periodically doubted my rebirth. Mostly that was on me, my behavior, my anti living, capitulating to my lusts.

But no more, not about Jesus' divinity, not about the cosmology, not about my sins and my need for Jesus' intercession in my behalf before I am judged. It's pretty interesting really, the older I get, the more comfortable I am with the death of my old man. Not that he doesn't rear his head but the fear of the Lord really is the beginning of understanding, among so many other good things.

One of the toughest things about calling upon the Lord to forgive you, is practically everyone else's reaction in the aftermath. Suddenly, following the sharing of your rebirth, which you're so elated about(which is a terribly important fact I'll touch upon momentarily), you are a different person in their eyes too. They don't necessarily say anything immediately but eventually it surfaces in some form or other that you now think you're perfect, or they expect you to be perfect or some other misconception they haven't the time, nor interest(meaning they quit listening), in your attempting to explain(you don't always understand) and you drop off their radar(even if you happen to be married to them, or you're their son, etc).

After 40 years(come August, my spiritual birthday), I've come to understand that peoples response is spiritual in nature, in line with Jesus' observation, to paraphrase, if they hate me, they're going to hate you. You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to get your mind around all that rejection; your loved ones are the worse. (I've news for you, most professing Christians, church going Christians, no matter the denomination, want nothing to do with the authority of the scripture, which is one and the same as the person of Jesus Christ, amongst his titles, The Word of God). That's not being judgmental when they want nothing to do Jesus Christ.

As to the question of scholars deciding the validity of scripture: it's pure nonsense but how would you know that when God gives men who reject him over to strong delusion. Nonetheless, allow me ask you the inverse question: if such a timeless personage as God Almighty were to exist, do you suppose he could protect his message to his creation(as promised), just as he wanted it? Possibly even re-authoring it somewhat, as authors sometimes do, for the audience at hand or the language of the times.

It only made sense to me that if the creator is just, then truth is knowable, always knowable, if one dared seek it. As a young fellow, about 21, I went to the library, and checked out numerous bibles, sat them side by side, and compared scripture, after having asked for the Lord's guidance because clearly, they all couldn't be the promised preserved living word when there are so many versions. Anybody could do that. The answer was inescapable.

As to rebirth, being born again, you don't suddenly become perfect like Jesus, in fact you never do in this life. But folks expect you think you are, or should be, mostly I/we never know what they think, just their hostility, like herein(LOL). In any case, when one is born again, it's a growth process, beginning with infancy requiring the milk of the word(for starters). The spirit of God working on your innards, the spirit of man resisting. I allowed a lot, I grew slow, still aren't as obedient or observant as I could be. That said, during this 40 year spiritual growth process, I have reached a stage of assurance that is unshakeable.

Fortunately for me, I've always wanted to know the truth(not that I've always acted upon the extent of what I do indeed know, mind you), so when I was presented the gospel, I repented where it counts, in my heart. What little progress I have made since was due to the grace of God, truth be told, I've been an abstinent fuck(which I look forward to answering for, though it won't be pleasant). See the thing is, it's like a contract, after you opt-in, you're not your own and more than once he's brought me real low in order to regain my attention. I don't fight him as much these days but still every truly born again Christian has two natures: the spirit of man he's born with(which cannot help resisting God, and the Spirit of God that indwells following the sincere decision to repent and recognize Jesus as ones only way out(in this dispensation, God has dealt with men in different ways in other dispensations). It'll be a great day when I go home, when any Christian puts off this flesh.

Chances are that'll all read like gibberish, but that's the way it is after the rebirth. It's terribly frustrating until it finally clicks-in that the Lord has your back, and you're actually a son of God. I mean I have complete assurance of what will happen when I die, and where I'll be thereafter.

Eventually, it even seems normal to pray for your enemies and for all of what seem to be misfortunes.

Be well Peter.

peaceably,