Upon rereading this thread, Messy, you know me well enough, I'm not making light of you and Maya. Otherwise I'd have started a new thread.

My nephew was a founding police officer with the Lakewood Police Dept. A degree in criminal justice and a star basketball player at St Martin's University, he finally became a police officer because Lakewood, a small suburb of Tacoma, formed a new dept.

I once gave him and his brother each a kneepad for Christmas, but didn't tell them what it was for until they asked me to give them another and another and another horseback ride the next time I visited.

I received this email last Friday, his attempt at catharsis. Just thought I'd share.

I have received several phone calls and emails asking how I'm doing and how my family at LPD is going. Things are going OK, I guess. This tragedy has been the most difficult thing that I have been through. The loss of 4 good friends, great cops, and even better parents has stung all of us. During the days and weeks after the incident, the Lakewood Police Family has come together and cried, laughed, hugged, ate, worked, and memorialized with each other. I strongly believe that we have become a stronger and tighter group than before. I saw individuals that normally don't get a long, cry and hug each other to help get through the tragedy. The rush of emotions that I felt after that dreaded phone call at 9:00 AM on Sunday November 29th, 2009 was such a roller coaster, it's still hard to explain. Here is a breakdown of my day on the 29th. 9:00 - woke up to my nextel going off so I got up and looked at who it was. I looked at who it was that had called and set the phone back down because I didn't think it was important. (sorry Adam if you read this) 9:01 - went back to bed (as I worked the night before and got off at 3:30am) to hear my phone go off again. This time it was my good friend at the Department, Andy. I answered and he asked me if I knew what was going on? I said "no" and he said he heard that there was a shooting in Lakewood where some of our officers were involved. I told him that Adam had called me just before him, and that I would call him right back after I talked with Adam. (Adam works on the Day shift crew with Mark, Ronnie, Greg, and Tina) I called Adam and he asked if I could come in and cover on day shift. I said why? He told me that we had "lost 4 today". My mouth dropped and I said "are you serious?" Adam said that he wouldn't joke about something like that. I asked Adam, "Who?" Adam told me, "Ronnie, Mark, Tina, and Greg." I couldn't believe what I was hearing and I told him I would be right in. (I would have came in anyway) I called Andy back and gave him the update and we were speechless... 9:30 - finished a quick shower and drove as fast as I could in to the station were the day was filled with chaos, crying, hugging, and general disbelief. I tried to handle calls as best I could but really didn't feel up to it. The dispatchers (bless them) started to pretty much handle all the calls at the comm center so we didn't have to go out and try to deal with other problems outside of our own. In the afternoon, our brothers and sisters in blue from all over the region converged at the Station and started to take us (LPD) off the streets and they handled all the calls that came in. I can't adequately express in writing how grateful I am for all of them doing what they did for us. Not only did they handle the streets for us, they offered all kind of support. Whether it was just a hug or someone to talk to, they were there. Most of them came in on their own time and did it out of the true kindness of their hearts. For those who are non-law enforcement, I can never explain the true brotherhood that we all have with each other. It's almost like having all your blood brothers and sisters with you while you work everyday. But it truly goes deeper than that. We trust each other with our lives and I know that when I go on a call with anyone from LPD, I can count on them to watch my back and even take a bullet for me. I know this because this is how I feel when I go on a call with another LPD brother or sister. I watch their back and will take a bullet for them. So imagine losing 3 brothers and a sister in one day in a horrific event and that's how I was feeling. I want each of you to get to know Mark, Ronnie, Tina, and Greg a little better because we didn't just lose 4 cops, we lost 4 wonderful people who truly were PROFESSIONALS AND HEROES!!!! MARK RENNINGER I didn't get to know Mark outside of work but what I observed during my 5 years of knowing him professionally was a pleasure. Mark was a born LEADER and he will always be one of my heroes. Mark was a 1st Sgt in the Army Rangers before becoming a cop and was born with a desire to serve. My first experience with Mark was on a call where a subject was inside his trailer, armed with a knife and suicidal. Mark was a patrol officer then and was one of the more senior officers on my squad. We all arrived and Mark quickly took charge on getting us all set up to contact the subject. Even though he didn't really know me, he knew that I was a new officer with little experience. Mark quickly asked me if I had ever been in a "stick". A stick for those who don't know, is where all the officers line up in a row, each assigned with a duty, to make entry into a residence. I told him "No" so he quickly told me what I needed to do and put me in position. We all approached the house and the subject came out with no problems. After the incident was over with, Mark pulled me aside and told me what he saw that I did right and things that I could improve on. I always wondered how he was able to observe what I did and still take care of everyone else. After that event (and several others) I knew that I would go through ANY DOOR with Mark and know that everything would be OK. Mark was a true warrior and I will never forget him for that. Mark truly cared about the safety of everyone he worked with. He would research any topic and find out the best answer or resolution for each one. Mark leaves behind a spouse, 2 daughters and 1 son. I will miss Mark very much. RIP Brother! TINA GRISWOLD Oh, Tina, Little Tina... such a warrior for her size. (5'0 95lbs) I will never forget Tina and her true warrior spirit. Just like Mark, I didn't know Tina that much outside of work but what I saw at work, I am honored to have known her. I will never forget Tina in Defensive Tactics training. As many of you know, I'm a defensive tactics instructor and when we conduct training for everyone we expect a certain level of participation and energy. DT can be your last line of defensive when in a fight with some bad guy or gal on the street. We, as a DT Cadre, always knew that Tina would show up and give 150%. If we saw something that Tina would do that needed a little "tweaking" we would tell her and she would immediately fix it. I will always remember Tina and her pink MMA gloves. Boy did she love those gloves and was very proud of them. Tina would put those on an feel invincible. She would take me on or any other person, no questions asked. SHE IS A WARRIOR AND ALWAYS WILL BE!!! Tina leaves behind a spouse, 1 daughter and 1 son. I will miss Tina very much. RIP Sister! GREG RICHARDS With Greg, I knew, no matter if it was at the end of his shift or the beginning, he would always be there to back you up on a call, transport someone to jail for you, or just talk. Greg was a family man first and dedicated his life to his wife and 3 children. Watching Greg's 3 children get up in front of 20,000+ people at the memorial and talk about their Dad, shows me what kind of kids they are. Greg and his wife instilled some great values in them and raised them to be good men and women. When one of our officers got involved in a motorcycle crash while on duty and was seriously injured, Greg was the first to call me and say that he wanted to do a benefit concert at a local establishment free of charge and donate all proceeds, etc from the show to the officer's family. Greg was the drummer in a band that was made up of some Kent PD guys and another one of our guys. Greg truly cared about everyone and always had a smile on his face. He was known for many sayings, some I still use today. Greg, I miss you Brother, RIP. RONNIE OWENS I saved Ronnie for last because I knew him the best out of all 4. Ronnie and I worked together on the same squad for 4 years before he left to go to day shift. Ronnie enjoyed working nights with us but left because he wanted to spend more time with his 7 year old daughter, Madison or "Maddy" as we all call her. This was Ronnie, he loved Maddy very much and enjoyed spending every second, minute, hour, and day off with her. Maddy was the sparkle in Ronnie's eye. From the moment I met Ronnie, I knew he was someone special. Ronnie was a face full of smile and would always brighten your day no matter what mood you were in. Ronnie came to work every day the same way, laughing and loving life. Ronnie is my role model and I aspire to be like him everyday. Ronnie played on the PD basketball team every year in the PD/FD Charity Game. I enjoyed playing with Ronnie and looked forward to seeing his 1980's knee braces... Ronnie had a talent for knowing when you were having difficulties. Ronnie would pull you aside and ask how things were going. Ronnie would give some worldly advice and ask what you thought. You would answer, "You have a point, I will try and make a change." Ronnie would then slap your leg and say.. "That a kid" and give you that HUGE smile that was patent Ronnie. Ronnie was a big teddy bear standing at 6'4 220lbs. I remember his best friend and LPD officer Jeff Martin, rolling around with him during defensive tactics, saying that he was a big bear. Ronnie was as strong as an ox so I know that whatever battle he put up with the suspect, he gave it his all... Ronnie had a nick name for everyone and was very creative at making them. All the nicknames are true "Ronnie" style and only can be repeated by Ronnie. I will always remember my nickname that Ronnie gave me, "Timmers". I would be on a traffic stop or even talking with some one on the side of the street. Ronnie would drive by, get on his car PA, and yell, "TIMMERS". That would always put a smile on my face no matter what mood I was in. Ronnie is a good friend, a great father and a better officer. This is the hardest statement I have ever made, Ronnie, I miss you and love ya brother! RIP!!! On the 30th of November, We made the formal decision to create a trust fund for the 9 kids that our fallen heroes left behind. As a true brotherhood, we are obligated to take care of the kids of our fallen. I know that if I was one of the fallen, they each would do the same for me. I look at it as adopting 9 more children into my family. I want them to know that they can come to me anytime of the day or night and I will help them out with anything that they need. I hope that everyone was able to bear with this email and read every last word. I know that this was very long-winded but it truly has helped me feel better about the incident and be able to express my feelings about it. I have a void in my heart that will never be filled again. I know that each one of them would want us to continue on and fight the good fight. Mark, Greg, Tina and Ronnie, you are my heroes and I will truly miss every moment without you in my life. R- I - P Mark, Greg, Tina, and my good friend R-Dub you all will be sorely missed... Feel free to pass this email on to those who have expressed intrest in how I was doing or how the PD was doing. I thank each and everyone of you for sending emails, making phone calls, or just reaching out in some way or another. I very much appreciated all the support that Deb, the girls and I have received from each and everyone of you. God Bless... Tim