Let me be the first to announce my events: 

Since I'm all about being me...and not about pesky borders and stuff (which was such a dead on description, I almost got teary!) I will not wear a uniform, just the off green sweater I got for christmas, jeans and birkenstocks so everyone will know how far out and groovy I really am.

1. 300 M Biathalon: Marching/Sitting-In.  This is two events rolled into one.  At the starter's gun, I will pick something that I know very little about but develop a strong opinion about it, make a sign and march for about 300 yards.  Then, I will sit down and interfere with other events.

2. Long Jump: I will take a post by Kent and one by Richard, compare and contrast and then draw the conclusion that the two are very similar.

3. Synchronized Narcissism:  I will admire my own image in the mirror, write about how wonderful I am and also swim to music...all at the same time!

4. Luge: I love sledding.  How can it be that much different.  I'll wear a wet suit, just like they do on TV. It's kind of like a waterslide on a really cold day, right?

5. Archery: I'm not really good at this but I'll enter anything to be near Gena Davis.

6. Weightlifting:  I'll be lifting Pints.

7. Opinionated Drivel:  This is the event in which I'm most gifted.  It's like Debate without sources.  I can say whatever the hell I want without consequences. 

8. Marathon Parody:  a 26 mile race that is in conjunction with a marathon.  I pick a runner from the marathon, follow them and make fun of them the entire time.

9.  Holier Than Thou Triathalon:  Similar to the 300 M event I mentioned before, but this one takes longer.  Swimming, Biking and Running, just like the Iron Man, but no matter how it ends, I'll still feel superior to everyone else.

10. Hot Oil Cage Wrestling:  Once Again...One Ring, No Ref...just me..........................................................and Gena Davis!

Thank you, Good Night,

PRH