RESUME

George W. Bush

The White House, USA 

 EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE: 

   LAW ENFORCEMENT: 

    I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under

    the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my

    driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record

    has been "lost" and is not available.

    MILITARY:

    I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.

    I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my

    drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to

    avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

    COLLEGE:

    I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.

    I was a cheerleader.

    PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

    I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

    I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975.

    I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The

    company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.  I bought

    the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took

    land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our

    right-wing friends in the oil industry including Enron  CEO Ken

    Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

    ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

    I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,

    making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my

    tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city

    in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the

    tune of billions in borrowed money. I set the record for the most

    executions by any governor in American history. With the help of

    my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father’s appointments

    to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over

    500,000 votes.

    ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

    I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a

    criminal record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a

    continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week. I spent the

    U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S.  Treasury. I

    shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in  U.S.

    history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies

    filed in any 12-month period. I set the all-time record for most

    foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the all-time record for

    the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.  In my

    first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs 

    and that trend continues every month. I'm proud that the members

    of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S.history.

    My “poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker

    named after her. I set the record for most campaign fund-raising

    trips by an U.S. President. I am the all-time U.S. and world

    record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

    My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best

 friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy

fraud in U.S. History, Enron. My political party used

    Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success

    with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision. I have

    protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against

    investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent

    investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent

    investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I

    presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and

    refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry

    was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S.

    history. I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to

    be awarded government contracts. I appointed more convicted

    criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history. I

    created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy

    in the history of the United States government. I've broken more

    international treaties than any President has in U.S. history. I

    am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations

    remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the

    U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors

    access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have

    refused to abide by the Geneva Convention. I am the first

    President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors

    (during the 2002 U.S. election). I set the record for fewest

    numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of

    television. I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in

    any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August,

    I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history. I

    garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade

    Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most

    hated country in the world, the largest failure of  diplomacy in

    world history. I have set the all-time record for most people

    worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15

    million people), shattering the record for protest against any

    person in the history of mankind. I am the first President in U.S.

    history to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military 

     occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the

    will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and

    the world community. I have cut health care benefits for war

    veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops

and their families -- in wartime. In my State of the Union Address,

    I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq, then blamed the

   lies on   our British friends. I am the first President in history

to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest

 threat to   world peace and security. I am supporting development of a

nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill

my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

    RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

      All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my

    father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All

    records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my

    bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for

    public view. All records or minutes from meetings that my

    Vice-President, or I attended regarding public energy policy are

    sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.