Many, many years ago, as a rookie, one night I had to drive the prisoner transport vehicle and was sent to a domestic violence arrest.  When I got there, the male was dressed only in torn hospital scrub bottoms.  When searching him, I stood from behind and started from head to toe.  I got down to the scrubs and ran my hand around the waistband, then down the legs and back up again, and felt something strike the back of my hand from the area of guy's left pocket.

With my palm, I then put a hand around it and then asked him what the hell this was in his pocket.  He flatly declared, "That's my dick, motherfucker."  And, alas, it was.......