Re: Humorous Stories About Ourselves...
Um, let me preface this by saying that no animals were actually hurt in this story. Although it was a near thing. It's not something I'm terribly proud of, but it's sort of funny.When I was around 14 or so, there was this snotty bully named Joseph Sterling Soanso. The first and middle names are no lie - who the hell picks Sterling as a middle name? In any event, at 14 Joe stood about 6'2. His mom was the guidance counselor at school. Some of her notable insights included telling my brother-in-law (who is now a vice president at Hewlett-Packard) that one day, with enough 'hard' work, he might manage the local grocery store. She also made sure Sterling never got punished for his behavior. Although that punishment would come, this story happened beforehand.A close friend of mine lived next 'door' to Sterling's family. There was a huge, undulating field of hay between their homes. The counselor owned a large, friendly and somewhat woolly sheepdog named Oreo.One summer afternoon found this friend and I flying remote control airplanes, and as chance would have it, Oreo good-naturedly trotting towards us. I have always liked dogs, so I handed my pal my remote so I could pay a little attention to Oreo. My bud said 'Keep him right there! Don't let him get away!' and he disappeared in to his parent's garage, only to emerge with a big can of purple spray paint he had to get for a summer camp art project (I swear it might've involved Prince, somehow). Well, because it seemed like a good idea at the time, while laughing hysterically, we spraypainted this unknowing, friendly dog. He did one side, I did the other. It turned out that the 'counselor' was due home any moment and that's why my pal wanted me to detain the dog. The first thing she did was call her dog - 'Oreo! Come here, Oreo!'. Whereupon I released the newly anointed 'royal' hound. To this day I can still see that bounding, mostly purple, sheepdog contrasted against the 'golden grain' and hear the way his proximity to his home changed the pitch in the counselor's voice - 'Oreo! Come here, Oreo! OREO!!!OHMIGOD!!!WHO DID THIS TO YOU!!!!!!' We hightailed it, and later disavowed the knowledge of any spraypaint of any color and it's imaginary or actual application to any animals living or deceased.Afterwards, Oreo got a summer fur-cut. Within 3 months Sterling got his ass thrown to the ground by a friend (the last one still in the state, actually) who said - 'Fuck with me again and I'll step on your neck and make you eat dirt' - is that from a movie or something? In any event, it was Sterling's last stand. The 'counselor' got fired in a notion/motion by my airplane buddies mom who was on the school board about a year later. Thank goodness Oreo didn't get sick or this might've been an untold therapy session. One last thing, did they look like shark's teeth, Ian? Why a necklace? Lee, an admitted defacer of an innocent dog.
L
Leeroi
(view)
Um, let me preface this by saying that no animals were actually hurt in this story. Although it was a near thing. It's not something I'm terribly proud of, but it's sort of funny.When I was around 14 or so, there was this snotty bully named Joseph Sterling Soanso. The first and middle names are no lie - who the hell picks Sterling as a middle name? In any event, at 14 Joe stood about 6'2. His mom was the guidance counselor at school. Some of her notable insights included telling my brother-in-law (who is now a vice president at Hewlett-Packard) that one day, with enough 'hard' work, he might manage the local grocery store. She also made sure Sterling never got punished for his behavior. Although that punishment would come, this story happened beforehand.A close friend of mine lived next 'door' to Sterling's family. There was a huge, undulating field of hay between their homes. The counselor owned a large, friendly and somewhat woolly sheepdog named Oreo.One summer afternoon found this friend and I flying remote control airplanes, and as chance would have it, Oreo good-naturedly trotting towards us. I have always liked dogs, so I handed my pal my remote so I could pay a little attention to Oreo. My bud said 'Keep him right there! Don't let him get away!' and he disappeared in to his parent's garage, only to emerge with a big can of purple spray paint he had to get for a summer camp art project (I swear it might've involved Prince, somehow). Well, because it seemed like a good idea at the time, while laughing hysterically, we spraypainted this unknowing, friendly dog. He did one side, I did the other. It turned out that the 'counselor' was due home any moment and that's why my pal wanted me to detain the dog. The first thing she did was call her dog - 'Oreo! Come here, Oreo!'. Whereupon I released the newly anointed 'royal' hound. To this day I can still see that bounding, mostly purple, sheepdog contrasted against the 'golden grain' and hear the way his proximity to his home changed the pitch in the counselor's voice - 'Oreo! Come here, Oreo! OREO!!!OHMIGOD!!!WHO DID THIS TO YOU!!!!!!' We hightailed it, and later disavowed the knowledge of any spraypaint of any color and it's imaginary or actual application to any animals living or deceased.Afterwards, Oreo got a summer fur-cut. Within 3 months Sterling got his ass thrown to the ground by a friend (the last one still in the state, actually) who said - 'Fuck with me again and I'll step on your neck and make you eat dirt' - is that from a movie or something? In any event, it was Sterling's last stand. The 'counselor' got fired in a notion/motion by my airplane buddies mom who was on the school board about a year later. Thank goodness Oreo didn't get sick or this might've been an untold therapy session. One last thing, did they look like shark's teeth, Ian? Why a necklace? Lee, an admitted defacer of an innocent dog.
