i know the feeling ... or one similar

~~

won't get deep into it, but on both counts...i know the feeling

not on the same level, certainly, for any audience i may have played in front of would be a midget (dwarf, little audience, hobbit, elfish, peck, scant, ...) in comparison to what you've weathered.

...but there's a heated-ear sensation of boxed-in and gavel clouts for lack of more direct metaphor; even though I am completely aware…the entire time…just how silly the whole sensation is.  It’s chemical for me, somebody called it engrams (maybe something to do with my dad losing his entire memory of mom & I in brain surgery when I was 2 & gaining an oblique & explosive temper as a consolation prize) that key the defensive response mechanisms which weigh heavy like a black storm cloud between m' head & the ceiling, and good ol “happy hobbyist songwriter” messybear becomes staunch and edgy messybear … with hot ears, a headache, bleak tunnel vision and ‘is own heart for lunch with the devil.  EVEN though I know it’s wholly unreasonable at the time.  It don't happen in the living room...or one-on-one.  Go figure.  I so dig sharing my songs, ache to really, ...but it seems as though I've settled-in with just getting-off on writing & playing 'em for the family.  So be it.  Funny thing is:  I now folks who's songs are shite (mournfully & definitively so) but they have not one bit of anxiety about geting out there and showing-off.  Heh-heh-heh, life's a [mocking] paradox. 

But then I promised myself I wouldn’t get involved in this thread ~ just comprehend it’s revelations and know that life has its weird parallels.  But nooo, …promises, promises.

Well anyway, that’s my story & I’m sticking to it