The Rine in Spine faws minely on the Pline

"Australian" is pronounced with one syllable. You'd respect someone who speaks Japanese, Chinese or Indonesian-- but you'd consider it their job to learn English, rather than vice versa. You are a bit ambivalent about schools teaching Asian or Aboriginal languages-- kids should learn good English first. You can't understand why overseas people who supposedly speak the same language have great difficulty comprehending you. You'd be shocked by the idea of anyone wearing "thongs" on something other than their feet. "Stubbies" are either short shorts or small beer bottles, a small car accident is a "bingle", a "drongo" or a "mug" is an idiot, someone in trouble is in "strife" and you're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something. . . For some reason, -o is a popular ending for words: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, Salvos, servo, smoko, speedo, etc. Although you do say "g'day" and "mate", rarely would you ever say things such as "sheila", "cobber" or "dry as a dead dingo's donger". For detailed discussion on Strine, many good books such as The Lonely Planet Australian Phrasebook are available; this one in particular has material on indigenous languages and creoles. School is free through high school (at least it's an option, even if you went to private school), but you have to pay HECS to get into tertiary education. University is (normally, and excluding graduate or part-time study and double degrees) three years long. Mustard and vegemite come in jars. Shaving cream comes in cans. Milk comes in bottles or in cardboard boxes. The month comes second: 26/1/88. (And you know what happened on that date). The decimal point is a dot. Certainly not a comma. A billion, ever since American economists started running the world, is a thousand times a million. World War II was a fairly important time in history: the age-old Australian nightmare of invasion from Asia nearly came true. Granted, the US did save the day, but Churchill and Roosevelt could have been much faster and more concerned about us. There were three things wrong with the Americans in WWII: they were "overpaid, oversexed and over here". World War I was fairly important too; after all, we suffered the highest per capita death toll of any Allied nation. You think the Anzac spirit is still important, so long as the Kiwis don't win the sporting tests. You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married by a registrar is an option, but not a requirement; most marriages happen in church. For some reason, the Japanese like getting married here. You have a best man and a maid of honour at the wedding-- a friend or a sibling. And naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual, and, until recently, a criminal in Tasmania. Once you're introduced to anyone (perhaps besides the Governor- General, but who is likely to meet him anyway?) you can call them by their first name. You know who the first American President was, but not the first Australian Prime Minister. You don't really know what happened in Federation. If you're a woman, you might go to a secluded beach topless. You don't watch foreign (non-English language, that is . . .) films. You seriously expect to be able to transact business with the government, without paying bribes. If a politician cheats on his wife (e.g. Bob Hawke), it has no bearing whatsoever on his ability to govern. After all, your nation was founded by criminals rather than Puritans. You've never come across crisp bacon-- you prefer the old staples such as barbequed sausages. Labour Day is the first Monday in May-- that's in autumn. You resent people who succeed over others- everyone should do the same thing, so we all get a "fair go". This is what's known as the "tall poppy syndrome", a kind of American Dream in reverse.