I don’t comprehend how Maya’s Messy can be alone now in this life. Not when we were matched forever. Not when Maya was so vital & alive ..so much more than me in several ways, so much less the dark poet troubadour displaced from humanity’s machinations by his own humanities yet so disheartened by the same on those quasi-meltdown days. Maya never melted down. Somethimes she snuggled deep into a real good hug and cried about her own weaknesses in the moment BUT all it ever took was some emotional support & Maya Ocean-Eyes ‘d rise to any and all occasion like a beacon. Messy can slide off the planet for a whole day ..never really ever coming to terms with his dis-ease until something acts upon him ..knocks ‘im into focus, brings out the TRIAGE in ‘im that has been ‘iz predominant strength which can elude & even dissuade in the lesser moments. I just don’t comprehend HOW I am alone in this now. Maya’s picture iz to my left in the pickup truck & I talk to her (but she doesn’t answer!) & weep to her & slip into & out of Messy total-recall memory of her on the highway. No, a messybear shouldn’t well-up behind amber shades on a construction site; nope. But it only takes one little thing…triggers a memory so full o realism, scent, sound, & sentiment, ..and I’m wrecked for a muted minute or more….

This is the chapter wherein the cosmic abyss kicks the shit out of the messybear who had the audacity to look into it.

I so miss you Maya Ocean-Eyes, O m’ flower.. (I can never say goodbye)

Wherever you are, Maya, wherever you go, I cherish everything about you now & forever; Go well, go well, & go so very very well.........