I don't have any grails left...at least in terms of looking for a record I don't own.

I have to admit I'm in a strange moment in my life right now and I don't actually know what to make of it.

I'm in the middle of writing something that expresses a lot about how I feel about the world right now and as I read the pages I think...wow...fuck...I'm a totally lost cause.

Like Peter I used to haunt places in Kenmore and Harvard Square looking for things rare and unheard. I could tell a funny story (well, really a lot of them) about when I moved to California after high school and I had some collisions with record store owners out there. One guy was a Brit that owned a store down on Melrose and we had an argument in the store and he chased me outside down the street. I was being a prick...which oddly he seemed to really enjoy and he insisted on taking my phone number (in a time before cell phones) and I was headed down to Ensenada and so I said I was leaving for Mexico and he wanted the address because he was going to drive down to bring me the stuff I wanted...or that he thought I was interested in and again a major blow-up occurred on the street because...well...I was an asshole and he was a pretentious fuckhead.

Anyway, I have lost all interest in searching out records or recordings I have not heard at this point. I guess over the course of my life I have found and heard plenty of rarities and now...well...there just is no juice left for that.

Sometimes I worry about no longer having an interest because they say that when you lose interest in the things that used to fascinate you it is likely you have sunk into a depression. I'm not sure who they are or what they know but I don't think I'm depressed. I mean, I don't think I'm totally right either but I don't want to be.

I do want to see Orson Welles' The Other Side of the Wind before I die. Truth is I think films are harder to find than music and with music every burp or fart or cough from any artist of note is now or will be available. It just seems easier to find music than it does to find films.

So these days I hunt films more than music and so if there are grails out there they would be films...or books...but records...well...I lost the urge to find them.