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mick (view)

Ov8n

Come home, I'm ovulating

2muchF

too much effort compared with YouPorn

sv11f&b

shaved whole legs, front and back

O

Ocado!

IIYX

imagine I'm your ex-wife

2fr

you've gone too far

BBC4

are you too knackered for sex tonight?

BBC4HD

do me in my sleep

RBS

screw me like a banker

GoT

let's play Game of Thrones

NiB

Newsnight in bed?

TC300

300 thread count sheets just washed

Calpol

I've drugged the kids

FTF

feeling too fat

CSO

"Community Support Officer" (naked under my Hi-Vis vest) PPU

prostate playing up

NWIP

next week I promise

EEE

everyone else enjoys it

TYSOS

take your Spanx off slowly

K

doing my kegels

DASR

dress as Susanna Reid

OSWDABS

or shall we do a box set?

:-X

mute the baby monitor

TBITBV

that bit in the Beyoncé video

BTTS

but the therapist said

RMLSFV

ride me like a street food van

XIRFNF

sexual favours in return for night feed

NCT3

threesome with the NCT mum?

MRP

MasterChef role play

WMB

waxed my back

QBR

quickie by the recycling bins

<3(*)/(*)

love you when you don't leave your bike in the hall

LGFB

let's go full Boden

TMUP

tie me up with a pashmina

IWSN

I want to spoon now

:-0

is it organic?

NMT

no moisturising mitts tonight

SA

spank me with an Amis
–--
a truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent
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