Why is My Sweet Angel-White Christian Child Speaking in Ebonics, and Dressing Like a Bank Robber?

Freehold, Iowa - God-fearing brothers and sisters in Christ, I want you to think very carefully with me now. I plead with each one of you seated here today to tell me what good has come of this once great nation since the since post-colonial city-dwelling liberals got it into their thick, demon encamped skulls to force our True Christian™ forefathers to free their slaves? You don't have to think too hard do you? Well, that's an added bonus of being a True Christian™. I'll tell you what's become of our country since we spat in God's face and ignored the divine gift of slavery. It's gone downhill ever since. There's no discipline, there's no order, there's just ten-million little colored pickaninny children running around the streets with no direction. And decent folks like us are flipping the bill. They've even got our innocent little Christian children brainwashed into glorifying the ghetto lifestyle by wearing backwards hats and hand-me-down trousers! I guess that's how God punishes a country for electing a homosexual President like Abraham Lincoln.

This might come across as racist to some ignorant liberals, but I assure you, it is not. It is just the simple truth. It doesn't take a degree in theology to see that colored folks have a hard time taking care of themselves without falling into trouble. You give them money and they spend it lavishly on fickle things and fall into debt. You give them an education, and they start riots. We even have a US President sitting in the White House who has everyone thinking he is a Negro! What a spot we are in! Leave it to a liberal homosexual to come up with an idea and let the rest of the world try to sort it out! We're still feeling the pain, Mr. Lincoln! Thank you very much.

The Bible teaches us that the descendents of Ham (Negroes) were born to serve, and when you sway from what the Lord says you were born to do, your life is filled with emptiness. Just look at the colored members of this church. They are happy people. Not like the dark street Negroes that roam our cities freely! Why are our black church members so happy? It is because they follow the teachings of the Holy Bible and work as God instructed their forefathers to do - in service! Whether it be janitorial, food service, or grounds keeping - no person can say that the colored servants of Landover Baptist are not content. I want all of you to stand up there in the fifth tier of the back balcony. Let's all give them a warm round of applause in our appreciation of their service. (congregation applauds) You ought to feel proud now, my Negro friends. Black History Month gives you a false pride, and that was Lucifer's downfall. What you've got from us here at Landover Baptist is a Godly pride! A-men.

Thank God every colored person in this world hasn't lost their minds. Thank God they all haven't bought into this liberal black history bunk! We're not here to feel sorry for you, and make up silly history stories so you can feel better about yourself. No sir! But that's what the liberals do! The democrats patronize you poor black folks so much, they've got you thinking that Jesus Christ was a Negro! You outta get angry about that! Don't believe their lies, for they come from pity alone! You are Negroes my friends! Descendents of the first servant of mankind; Ham, the son of Noah. You should stand up proud, and know that God recognizes you, and has given unto you a special calling to serve all mankind. All your history books and fact-finding missions won't teach you that! No sir! Only the Bible has the answer you are looking for. You won't know who you are until you embrace that. You will never know the joy of serving your masters here on Earth until you learn to obey your Master in Heaven. Glory to God!

And as for this so-called, "Black History Month," it's a load of hooey! What do you think the liberals will be forcing us to celebrate next? Jew History Month? Homo History Month? Downs's Syndrome History Month? Frankly, my dear and precious Christian friends who love Jesus Christ, it frightens the living Hell out of me - and it should YOU!

We have our history book, the Holy Bible. We also have our American History books as well. And like the Bible, those books don't need to be re-written. People shouldn't go poking around doing research on insignificant people and events. If things were important enough to be written down, I believe we can rely on the eyewitness accounts of the True Christian™ founding fathers of this Godly nation. It's time to stop rewriting history and start being proud of the history we have instead of moping around like sad-sack Democrats after a lost election, trying to stick their noses into places they don't belong.