Burning flags is dangerous business. Last year I bought a Saudi Arabian flag on ebay, with intentions of setting it ablaze. On Opening Day at Miller Park last season, I doused the thing in charcoal lighter fluid, then put a match to it. Then another, finally on the third it started burning a little. Just as I started to wave it, it must have hit some perfect mix of heat, fuel and oxygen and then WOOOSH! I barely avoided having it melt to my arm.

Not only did it almost cause me bodily harm, it also trashed my friend's favorite set of bratwurst tongs.

Since then I have resolved to stick to burning Cubs hats at ballgames.