(If your babble threshold is low, forgive me...)

I can't claim to know Why?, or even that there is a clear answer to such a question. My guess is that there are more than a few "reasons" (however unreasonable) why someone might take their own life. My stepbrother lost his own battle with depression in April, 2003 (those words, "lost his own battle with depression," aren't quite "true" or quite "right" to me; but maybe they are appropriate; just not certain). I don't know of any final, definitive, Why? in Brad's case. I am certain of a few factors which led him there -- or, rather, convinced him that he should go there:
-His fear of future pain and agony (however unfounded)... This was Brad's self-conviction at work; a sort of grotesquely and ironically "comforting" rationalization on his part; a delusional justification (forgive my haphazard terminology). Fear weakens even the strongest of us.
Doctors had found polyps in his colon, and he was far too ready to assume and believe that they were malignant. Brad's father (my stepfather) succumbed to colon cancer in '89. I can only imagine (can't empathize, as my own father's still alive) how acute and painful -- both physiologically and psychologically -- Brad's fear might have been. He and his father were extremely close.
-His depression and unhappiness. Depression almost certainly fed his fear. Alcoholism surely aggravated it. Self doubt, guilt, loneliness...whether they were symptoms, side effects, or both, that's secondary. What's primary is that they were signs. No matter how stubbornly he may have tried to hide them, they were always visible. What sucks is that we all weren't around enough to see them. What sucks is that he didn't come right out and ask for help. (Brad had become quite adept at isolation, and he was so damned stubborn and prideful).

Fear and depression are a terrible pair -- perhaps the most terrible I can name. In some cases, they're more than debilitating. They can be downright poisonous and lethal.

Today, I try and keep cognizant and aware of even the slightest hints of those signs. That poison. I listen -- to my friends, my family, and myself. I sure as hell can't claim any wisdom, but I think I can offer some reasonable advice. Strong advice...

Don't dare underestimate fear and depression. And don't dare, ever, ever disregard your own worries (your inner voice, your conscience, your furrowed brow, goosebumps, whatever) about the safety or vulnerability of someone struggling with, or otherwise showing signs of, depression. I used to be a steadfast believer in the notion that there's nothing sacred or "off limits" when it comes to humor. Now -- despite my warped, wicked, sometimes-highly-INcorrect sense of humor -- there's one thing I will never find funny or joke worthy. Any hints or signs that someone might be pondering suicide -- most especially if they're vocalized! -- should, of course, never be taken lightly, disregarded, underestimated, laughed off. Sure we "know" that's good advice. We "get" it. But people, if you never believe another word I say, or never heed another piece of advice from me or anyone, for the rest of your life, then please try and heed this...
Take it seriously. From a friend, family member, stranger, or your own self. If you hear it, read it, suspect it, worry about it, ponder it, dream it...take it seriously. For their sake and yours, never ignore it, and don't ever convince yourself that you're just "overreacting." If you care, screw their pride. If you're worried, to hell with the fact that they haven't asked for help. If you're not sure, ask. If you think you see a sign, take it as a sign. Don't merely understand that advice; heed it. Look the word up. H, E, E, D.

Why do they do it? Maybe try not to dwell on the question in our minds. Maybe instead just do our best to be mindful to ourselves and one another about the answers to an "easier" question: Why they SHOULD'NT do it. In my book, those answers are so much more important and crucial. And hot damn -- they're practically endless and innumerable.

Yes, fear can weaken even the strongest. The good thing is, love is perfectly able and willing to kick fear's ass at every opportunity.

Peace, everyone (and a friendly kick in the pants!).
-Dan

And for the curious -- the origin of "Duber" has nothing to do with roaches, cannibus, ganja, or doobage. :-) The tag was a gift from a friend, about seven years ago. It's merely a "morph" of my last name. Remember Rob Schneider's character, on "Saturday Night Live?" "Dano! The Dan man! DOOOOB! The Duber! Makin' copies!..." It was something like that...

...Besides -- it rhymes with goober.