I worked in restaurants for about ten years. While I never got to enjoy the sight of a finger, I did see some pretty crazy stuff. And yes, some of it was intentionally engineered by me.

Word to your mother: If you are gonna stiff the waiter, you better not put anything else in your mouth afterwards.

One time while working at the Dallas Improv, Ellen DeGenres got on my nerves. But that's a story for another day.