Republicans will love Keyes -- until they get to know him
August 9, 2004
BY RICHARD ROEPER SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST
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It's a good thing Illinois Republicans finally found their Keyes, because somebody needs to drive that demolition derby vehicle of theirs.
Other than Jack Ryan, Mike Ditka, Jim Edgar, Bob Thomas, Jim Thompson, Jayne Thompson, Andy McKenna Jr., Ron Gidwitz, Gary Fencik, Steve Rauschenberger, Judy Baar Topinka, Ronnie "Woo-Woo" Wickers and that guy sitting next to you on the train, Alan Keyes was absolutely the GOP's top choice.
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The Ditka-courtship fiasco was insulting enough to the intelligence of every potential Republican voter. But just when you thought Illinois GOPers couldn't possibly be more condescending, they reach out to Maryland and pluck a token black conservative to run against Barack Obama.
Good thing this decision wasn't the least bit cynical. Because when you think about the individual who will best represent Illinois, you think Alan Keyes, right?
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I'm sure all of the conservatives who lambasted Park Ridge native Hillary Clinton for reinventing herself as a New Yorker will be equally harsh in their opinion of Keyes and his career-enhancing carpetbagging.
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Here's what Keyes had to say to Fox News in 2000 about Clinton's Senate candidacy: "I deeply resent the destruction of federalism represented by Hillary Clinton's willingness to go into a state she doesn't even live in and pretend to represent people there, so I certainly wouldn't imitate it."
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This is when conservatives will start with the e-mails asking why my liberal-elite-media-friends and I didn't criticize Hillary for shunning her Illinois-Arkansas background, donning that Yankees cap and jumping into the race.
For the record: I did go after Clinton, on a number of occasions.
Jan. 16, 2000: "The thing is, Hillary Clinton is a phony...."
Oct. 23, 2000: After it was announced that Elton John was going to do a benefit concert for Hillary, I suggested a reworking of the lyrics to "Your Song."
Don't have much money, but look what I did
I bought this big house where the Bubbas can live
So excuse me for fudging, but it gives me great joy
To pretend I'm a New Yorker, forget Illinois!
When it comes to lambasting hypocrites, I try to be fair and balanced. Just like Fox News!
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Keyes is an undeniably intelligent, accomplished and fiercely passionate man, and he's Obama's intellectual equal. The debates will be memorable.
But Keyes is also a little bit wiggy. He called then-Gov. George W. Bush "Massa Bush." He's worn a lapel pin depicting the feet of a 10-week-old fetus. In 1992, he paid himself a monthly salary of $8,500 out of campaign funds. He has called income tax a "slave tax." He has said that compliments -- compliments -- about his speaking skills are racist.
As for his views: Keyes is just to the right of Rush Limbaugh. From the "Alan Keyes for President" 2000 campaign brochure:
On abortion: "If the Declaration of Independence states our creed, there can be no right to abortion, since it means denying the most fundamental right of all, to human offspring in the womb. The Declaration states plainly that we are all created equal, endowed by our Creator with human rights."
On school prayer: "The doctrine of 'separation of church and state' is a misrepresentation of the Constitution . . . as president, I would do everything under my power to impose views that contravene religious conscience on matters such as homosexuality and abortion."
On gay rights: "In terms of civil rights . . . it is wrong to treat sexual orientation like race. Race is a condition beyond the individual's control. Sexual orientation involves behavior, especially in response to passion. . . . The effort to equate homosexual and lesbian relations with legal marriage represents a destructive assault on the heterosexual, marriage-based family."
On sex education: "So-called 'health-based' sex education programs have done more harm than good. They too often encourage adolescents to consider sexual activity apart from marriage and family life."
And from a Keyes column written last October about the California governor's race:
"On all the matters that touch upon the critical moral issues, Arnold Schwarzenegger is on the evil side. This is a fact. A mere list of the positions he supports is enough to make this plain: abortion as a 'right,' cloning of human beings, governmental classification of citizens by race, public benefits for sexual partners outside of marriage, disrespect for property rights against environmental extremism, repudiation of the right to bear arms -- no more need to be said to show that this candidate is wrong where human decency, human rights and human responsibility bear directly on political issues."
Just the kind of flexible thinking that will have moderates, gays, women and non-Christians lining up to vote for this guy.
Geez. Is it too late to see if Ditka has changed his mind?
