This just in, the official Teleprompter notes for the State of the Union Address. Notes written by speech writer. These will go along with the actual word for word speech as an aide to help things go smoothly. Actual word for word speech not yet available because the printer is out of HUBRIS!
I. Introduction: Address Key Members of Congress, Senate and distiguished guests. Be sure to point out wives of firefighters who perished in 9.11 to get sympathy juices going. Those folks paid big bucks for those seats and you'd better give them their moneys worth.
II. Economy: Talk fancy about how the Dow is back up above 10 K with good volume. Don't mention unemployment. Remind them of big tax breaks and don't mention that they're just for rich people and keep talkin' about those refund checks. Use some of dad's economy words like "bubblin' along" and "perc-yoo-latin'." *wink at Hillary*
III. Foriegn Policy: Talk a LOT about catching Saddam Hussien. Be careful and not make Reagan Mistake and say you were ACTUALLY THERE! Downplay ongoing violence, losing the reigns on MidEast Roadmap and if you do end up mentioning it, use this joke: "I gave them the roadmap but those folks overthere are just having trouble getting it refolded"...y'know how some folks have trouble folding maps..they get all crossways and it never goes back the way you wanted....anyway Say, "Let's ROLL!" a lot. *put up thumbs up gesture.*
IV. Domestic Policy: Don't criminalize all these new Mexican immigrants. Be friendly and warm. Remember some of the cool Mexican words you learned over Margarita's at La Familia the other night. Say things like, "Mi Casa es Su Casa." or "Bienvenidos, amigos!" Don't say, "El Presidente tienes Juevos Grandes" because although we're not sure what it means, the bartender didn't look very nice when he said it. Then say that you're doing this for all your "Vatos" out there and that you expect their support in return in November.
V. Space: Folks didn't seem to go for the Moon/Mars thing so tack on Jupiter as well to spice things up. And try to pronounce it right. It's not JOO-pyoo-tur. It's JOO-puh-tur. Totally different pronounciation from nucular.
VI. C.Y.A.: Since everyone is on to us about our transgressions with the last SOUA, let's do some damage control. Say that the Yellow Cake thing was a recipie that was mixed up in translation from "screwy African Language" that Evildoers with Conventional Weapons are Still EVIL, and that the WMDs are really in Syria...or Iran...or Greece...or Wisconsin.
VII. Conclusion (This means End): *wink at Hillary again and gesture toward oval office* Mention that Pat Robertson said that God said he would win the next election, tell the Penguin Joke and thank your friend in Buffalo for all the information on the Space Program. Get the hell out before someone throws something.
Good Luck George...from your new speech writer,
PRH
