Mick:

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement --- however --- my having children in this life was a decision that was never in my hands. Becoming HIV+ before I fell in love meant that there is NO WAY that I could impregnate Paula without passing along the virus to our child. The child would end up dying anyway, so what would be the point of all that self-inflicted pain?

I do agree with you --- WE WILL WIN!!!

However --- in the meantime --- this is what I have to keep telling myself in order not to become so pissed off that I might climb atop that clock tower and start offing people purely at my own whim.

Living with HIV is a very difficult thing to do by itself --- let alone trying to deal with the residual feelings of guilt and hatred against those who were responsible for my becoming infected in the first place.

If you want to know a secret . . .

This "I don't give a fuck attitude" may be my only way of constructively dealing with the fact that I never had a choice in the matter in the first place. I have to keep telling myself that in order to survive the day.

The psycho-social issues related to HIV is a head-full, that's for sure.

But, thanks for the kind thoughts just the same.

KDB = Buffalo, NY USA