Yes, I know, you have labored for years under the sincere belief that you are correct. And at times, it may have even seemed as though the universe had aligned itself to show you the straight line that so convincingly connected your thoughts and reality. You have, in short, long thought that you were right. However, and please let me break it to you gently:

You are Republican.

You will perhaps gnash your teeth and flail your hands against your swiftly moistening eyes as you realize the devastating truth of this revelation. You may wish to dial your mother on the phone. Comfort foods may be involved such as Woodford Reserve, Glenlivet, or Plain ol' Jack. Some of you have already wet yourselves.

This has been expected.

And it is far too late for you to attempt to change your position. That position has been in place for years. And it is yours. And it is Republican. Seriously, what were you thinking?

Now your eyes begin to redden from the weeping and the rubbing, and still you cling to your ideas, which are Republican. Your thoughts on how best to heal the wounds of this country? Republican. Your thoughts on where the cereal should be placed in the pantry? Republican. Your thoughts on the ongoing culture of dickishness? Nope. Guess what? Still Republican.

What will it take for you to glimpse this simple truth? Only one thing is certain: when you do (and you will) you will still be Republican.

There really is only one thing that I agree with in this world and that is that I am Republican. Republican to say it, Republican to do it, Republican to think it, Republican to be here, Republican man for the job, Republican as the day is long.

Still there is some satisfaction to be had in punching some stupid Democrat in the face...which of course is also Republican...and in general fails to enlighten them. If you help them up, dust them off, and buy them a cheap drink afterward that makes you an ok guy though doesn't it?