Hey Kids--

This is a bad, bad equation.

The (Devil) Rays are a team from Florida--a state that cannot vote right and got us into hell for 8 years. Nothing good should befall them until they apologize--and I mean formally--and big--with a donation to some big cool charities.

But no, it's nothing but crap, alligators and playing on a field that is nothing but a torn up velour dorm couch. And head-hunting and mouth-breathing fair weather fandom. Even when on top, they couldn't draw flies many days.

I was a Mets fan growing up in darkest NNY where you either signed on with corporate Yankee-dom or suffered endlessly and not with out extreme oddness with the Mets.

Then I moved here and this idea that Sox are the new devils--no. Cut it out. The Sox will go right back to losing very quickly and this weirdness that is going on now----just you wait.

There are clearly some annoying and creepy Sox fans, but most people are knowledgeable about the game around here and realize the frailties and weirdnesses of fate still. Really. The mouth breathing we will beat you nonsense is not the core fan-dom.

My good friend Sam has the perfect chant for Fenway---(even with 2 Series wins--a cruel hoax and we're just not sure how yet--all will be revealed we're sure) ----that is the true origin of baseball here. It's not "Let's Go Red Sox!" No, it's ----"False Hope. False Hope."

Hey--we vote right and often. And we support gay marriage and make a decent crab cake and well, we know we could be far better. The bulk of us do anyhow---and all of our asking Alan Dershowitz to take an effing hike has not yet paid off. But we try.

So--let up. The Sox are in the midst of a larger experiment--in temporary winning. It's like Russell Bank's Continental Drift--it's just trying and failing, trying and failing. Some times you briefly win. That's much of the proceedings.

The Rays are boring, too. Floridians do not deserve to win--until they formally apologize.

And, if elected....