you stray from the straight and narrow I kick your ass.

or my shins, anyway.

We (royal 'we') keep you away from loose women, parties,

oh darn. all the things i'm missing...cause i've certainly never had any experience with that stuff in this city..

and at the other extreme, moralising do gooders who are as equally devious and manipulative in their attempts to suck you into their insecurities and charades. 

amen, hallelujah!

The other part of the deal is I do not expect any reward...my higher transendental self's needs are met through my selfless devotion to stripping you of your selfish, filthy bad hobbiteses tendencies. 

but here's nickel anyway, kid. buy yourself some alfalfa, or whatever the fuck you critters eat.

Enough for today.  

or any day.

go sit on a cushion. :)