...is what I've had to wear for the last couple of weeks and I've just about had enough. At the beginning of the month I had to fire one of my home support workers. She was constantly late, calling in sick, or just doing a lousy job. Things are pretty easy going around me, help me get up, drive my vehicle wherever I need to go, clean up my place a bit etc. All the while being able to listen to great music all day, go for a stroll by the ocean, or in the park, whatever looks good for the day. Not too much to ask.

Now I have to go through the process of interviewing and training (where applicable) new employees. It's a HUGE decision for me as these people are in my home 6+ hrs./day, longer if I require more assistance on any given day.

The last 3 days I've been trying out a pleasant enough and qualified 42yr. old woman. She's catching on it seems but she WON'T...SHUT...UP!!!! Rambling on and on and on about the most uninteresting things or she gives a running dialogue of what tasks she's performing, or what my cat is doing. I'm even cringing at her mispronounced words. "Re-la-tor" instead of realtor,"a-sposed to" for supposed, "Drug Mark" for Drug Mart (local store here) and those are just off the top of my head. This afternoon I tried tactfully to explain (or es-plain!) that I need a bit less chatter and time to myself to read or listen to some music sans interruption and she could leave early. It didn't even register just more talk about what she's planning to do later tonight. Again, I politely repeated the request to which she replied with a shocked look on her face "So, you want me out of your house?" Uhhhh...yes please. I can't WAIT 'til Monday.

Tomorrow the process begins anew with two people arriving in the morning to start training. Gimme strength.

On top of these stressful situations my 20yr. old half sister announced her pregnancy a month or so ago. It should be an exciting time for a family (especially one as facked as mine) to greet a new member. Sadly, I'm not as excited as I should be. She's not with the father, she only works part-time at a convenience store (don't they sell condoms there goddammit!! and she's sooo young, a kid herself. I'll do whatever she needs to stay healthy and happy through her pregnancy and hopefully be a good uncle. Her life had decidedly fewer options for now. Baby first, everything later. That "everything" however includes finishing high school, choosing a career and becoming a good provider for her baby. That's a helluva lot for her to deal with. I hope she makes the right decisions.

If that load wasn't enough, my grandmother (last remaining grandparent) started chemo today for the mouth cancer that was diagnosed in Feb. Her oncologist is "very optimistic" for a complete and successful recovery which is reassuring. When I asked her what I could do for her to help out she said "Just pray for me hon, just pray for me" HUH??!!! I don't pray??!!! I'm still pissed off at God for being in this stupid fucking wheelchair!!! How do I tell her THAT?? I don't think I will, but I'll love her as much as I can for as long as I can.

WHEWWWWW!!!! Now that I've got that out of me there has been a few highlights to enjoy. A great phone call with Peter T. earlier this week which will net me a ton of Joe Ely cd's I don't have. Also, I'm listening to bunch of great new music. Arcade Fire's "Neon Bible" is glorious in it's unique arrangements, pop melodies and post-goth lyrics. Peter,Bjorn and John a Svedish trio picking up from ABBA's killer pop instincts with the insanely catchy "Young Folks" single (Mick if you're the ABBA fan you say you are you better check this out.) Silversun Pickups, The Good, The Bad and The Queen, Elliott Smith and Joe Strummer's last record are all recieving airplay here and last and most importantly DB's music. Which is a reassurance that while there are artists like David making the music they do, it's not such a shitty deal to get up in the morning.

Now, are we gonna do this reunion this summer or not fer chrissakes!!! I need a vacation!!!