Doesn't get any worse than this.

Washingtonpost.com 'Undiscovered' And Really Not Worth Looking For

By Ann Hornaday Washington Post Staff Writer Friday, August 26, 2005; C01

I was going to say this in last week's review of "Asylum," but I held off, knowing that we still had 4 1/2 months to go and that it was early yet to make such categorical statements. I'm glad I demurred, because it turns out that "Undiscovered" just may be the dumbest movie of 2005.

Surely some D-list stalking horse will steal that title some time in October, but for now, we'll let the title stand (and give the reportedly dismal "The Cave" a pass). All comers, be warned: To match or beat "Undiscovered" for banality, boredom and sheer badness, you'll have to assemble an improbably gorgeous cast of mactors and mactresses (that's model-actors and -actresses to the uninitiated) and force them to lend credence to a script whose dialogue is as cheesy as its plot is contrived.

"Undiscovered," about a group of young performers trying to make it in Los Angeles, is sort of a cross between HBO's "Unscripted" and your garden-variety Gen X TV show. Indeed, I'd say "Undiscovered" belongs on the WB, but that would be gravely unfair to the channel, which looks like the BBC in comparison.

The story at hand hinges on a young mactress named Brier Tucket, played by Pell James in a weirdly smirking, way-too-cute performance, who moves from New York to L.A. to break into Hollywood; with a copy of "An Actor Prepares" snugly ensconced in the pocket of her $165 jeans, she befriends a ragtag group of gutsy newcomers, who in turn introduce her to a struggling musician named Luke Falcon (the terrific Steven Strait, recently seen in "Sky High"). Gushes Brier's best friend, played by the chipmunk-voiced paptress -- that's pop star-actress -- Ashlee Simpson, "He's kind of like a cross between Jeff Buckley and Elvis Costello."

A word to the wise: He's not.

The two girls soon hatch a plot to create a media buzz around the guitar-playing hottie, and naturally their plan works all too well. (Inexplicably aiding and abetting the co-conspirators are some grown-ups who should know better, played by actors who should know better: Carrie Fisher, Fisher Stevens and Peter Weller.) When the fame and the money and the groupies all inevitably come crashing down around Luke's carefully un-coiffed head, one of the adorable co-conspirators is actually heard to wail, "All we tried to do was make a nice guy a rock star!"

Mwah! Make it stop! "Undiscovered," which has been perpetrated on the unsuspecting public by a writer named John Galt and a (why is this not a surprise?) music video director named Meiert Avis, goes to shameless lengths to make itself interesting, including some ridiculous scenes at a batting cage and an amateur trapeze school; when things get really desperate, the filmmakers insert a shot of a skateboarding bulldog.

Finally, as Brier and Luke prettily make their way to a risible climax, their day is saved by Wick Treadway, a Chris Blackwell-like music executive with a name only Baba Wawa could love.

Unbewievable, just like the rest of "Undiscovered," which with any luck will quickly disappear unnoticed, unseen and unmourned.