*The scene opens with a short bald man resembling the love child of Michael Stipe and Moby standing up to his waist in wheat.  A blue sky punctuated with marching white clouds lies infinity behind him.  Wearing a dirty red t-shirt and Carhart Coveralls, he raises a Microphone to speak*

Howdy y'all.  I'm Paul Hunt and this is the political report:  Here in Kansas, our electoral college and general population have historically voted for the conservative candidate, most often when that candidate is an encumbant.  Therefore, regardless of the choices, whether it's Screamin' Howie Dean, G.I. Kerry or Sen. John "Michael J. Fox" Edwards, I'm somehow voting for George Bush.  So, Next November, I'll take my number two pencil over to my Precinct's voting house at the nursing home, vote like hell for whoever runs against Mr. Bush and pray to Jesus that a really big miracle occurrs. 

In heaven today, the Lord looked down and said to his Angels..."Hey y'all...there's a man down there in Lawrence who is losing hope and faith in his Government.  I think I need to send one of you down there to help him." But all the Angels were busy with the backlog of requests to Bless America.  Subsequently, America has not been blessed since Aerosmith got back together.  So until the rush of blessing prayers stop and some requests for guidance start coming in, there will be no "It's a Wonderful Life" miracles in Kansas.

On a lighter note, the Kansas Board of Education, which abolished teaching evolution in it's school districts in 1999, is facing extinction itself.  A vote is in the house to disband the Board due to inefficiency, an inability to make decisions and the committee head has a prehensile tail. 

In other news, Abeline lifetime resident and United States President Dwight D. Eisenhower is still dead.  However, his Nephew who looks just like him is still alive and it still freaks people in Kansas out when they see him.

And now for the shire weather update, Mick Brandybuck.

PRH